He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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