Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
