am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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