I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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