Moan for me like Helen Keller
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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