Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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