she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize