I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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