The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
