is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Randomize
