If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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