yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I don't deserve a penis
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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