Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We left an ass print on the piano.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
