your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
