Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
