i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
