Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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