I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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