You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
