hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
