dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
