He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
