Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
