i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
