Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize