well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
and you fell through a lawn chair
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
