is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
