good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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