I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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