So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
how does that bad decision feel?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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