If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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