I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
