a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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