I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
