He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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