does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
