We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
