i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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