ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
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