I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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