I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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