The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
