I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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