You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
