what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
