You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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