I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
