Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
