I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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