I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
