Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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