Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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