so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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