I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
