You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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