I want to stick my p in your. b.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
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