You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I want her autograph on my taint
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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