Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize