physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
