AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
