You're so nebulous sometimes
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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