if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
