just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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