Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
