i would punch a child for taco bell
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
