We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
